Grumpy Old Shopper 3 – Mysteries

I ought to explain my aversion to shopping. I was born and raised above my father’s shop, we were a retail family and I am proud of his success through hard work which helped to make me what I am today! One of my friends (one of three) has pointed out to me that with my background, my loathing of shopping is a mystery.

Well, what I dislike nowadays is not retail itself (essential part of our economy and enjoyed by millions and gives vital employment in difficult circumstances to millions more), but that it is made into a lifestyle, a religion, a culture in its own right and we are all expected to worship at the shrine.

Anyway, in the spirit of open-mindedness, I thought an ideal part-time little earner for me would be to BECOME A MYSTERY SHOPPER!!!

There are various packages you can sign up to on the internet and receive training! What, training to be a shopper? Well, it’s an art, apparently, going into a given shop or restaurant or other outlet at the request of their head office and buy things from a list. All anonymously. They need all ages, all shapes and sizes, even grumpies.

You must never reveal you are a mystery shopper, must only make notes when out of sight of the shop, must remember names and details of who served you, and rate their performance afterwards. Sounds easy. You get to keep what you buy or eat (!) and might even be paid a fee. An earning opportunity, too.

You have to actually bid for each separate job, and these agencies exist to make it easy. I looked into it. A small fee… OK, guaranteed money back if not happy. OK… then there is tax to add on. Did they forget to say this? Of course. Do it through Pay-Pal, should be safe.

It is fairly clear at once this is not going to be a great learning-about-life opportunity. You need to live in a city with sufficient outlets that subscribe to this way of raising staff performance. We don’t. You need a whole new email address to handle all the endless messaging. You need stamina galore, patience in industrial strength and a deep love of shopping that is another of the unexplained mysteries of life. And it’s not really a revenge-opportunity on certain shops, certain staff, after all.

OK, just ask for the money back. Easy. Just fill in a detailed form asking for more information about you than you had to give to sign up in the first place. And send it to arrive at an address in CANADA before a certain date. Easier not to bother, which is, naturally, their earning opportunity.

So, I am talking to a friend in California about using his address for a similar scheme here – The Revenge Shopping Agency – get your own back. Become a Mystery Shopper with my ten week intensive training programme; shop till you drop and rate everybody and everything; then complain and take it all back and get large refunds, complain about stomach aches in restaurants. And if you don’t think this is for you, you will discover the mystery of my money-back scheme into the bargain.

Go on. Spoil yourself!